Interpersonal Relationships: Angers (CL)

If I have a home here, it is this river. I walk over it every day and I love watching it.

Perhaps the most at home I have felt here was having dinner at a friend's house. The first dinner was a handful of people from the United States and a few people from Japan. None of us had known each other before arriving in Angers. We talked and joked, and shared pieces of information about where we come from. We played charades. I just had dinner at this friend's house again, but with only three of us that time. We talked for a long time and then watched Youtube videos.

I feel pretty comfortable on walking paths.

Another time I felt the most at home I have felt here was just going out and walking. The other day I walked to the boulangerie, the chocolaterie, and then walked along the river for a while before finding a place to sit and eat. Since it was a nice day, there were other people, mostly a little farther on where there was a series of steps, and they were sitting on those steps, reading or talking to each other. Then, while running errands, I ran across a bookstore and remembered that there was a book I still hadn't bought for my literature class. I picked up the book, which was near the entrance, and then wandered through all the floors of the bookstore, learning where all the different sections were, happy among the shelves.

But honestly, I don't know what to say about unpacking relationship "rules." I don't understand them here and I don't understand them in the United States. They're all so arbitrary. I've given up on them, giving space to people I don't know, and have been happier communicating clearly with those I'm close to, rather than relying on societally dictated rules deciding what relationships of various kinds should look like.

It's generally assumed here that people are straight and cis here, just like in the United States, and just like in the United States, sometimes those arbitrary codes associated with things like gender are enforced. At one point I saw a shirt I liked and was looking at it, only to be told by the lady in the store, "That's a men's shirt. The women's are over there." At the time I was wearing a men's shirt, but she didn't know that. It's just fabric.

I feel pretty comfortable around cats. 

I also believe that the group is more important here than in the United States. A lot of students stay close to home and spend time with their families. My host mom has one of her children living with her, and sees her two daughters who have moved away fairly frequently (in my mind at least). All the same, she takes in study abroad students because she says she gets lonely. Which I don't understand, because Pierre is almost always there and often brings friends home. My first year at university, I went to my parents' house pretty often, but only for breaks that were four days or longer, because getting there requires traveling over 1000 miles. After that, I started going only twice a year. I'm not planning on going to my parents' house at all next year, so I'm not sure when I'm next going to see them, but this is not something that worries me.

My advice to those who are planning on studying away is to make time for self care, and implement a system (or systems!) to keep on top of your responsibilities while also giving you time to do all the things you want to do when you arrive. I found when I arrived that my usual coping mechanisms were thrown off by being in a completely new place. Thankfully, I have time in France, but I wasn't sure what to do with that time. It was hard to keep on top of what I was supposed to be doing despite the new amount of time I had because arriving in France meant everything was new. This is also advice for me, because, to be honest, I still haven't put systems in place to organize myself and consistently do self care. I know I ought to. I know it would help. And yet.

(To be 100% honest, I'm not sure I'll ever feel "completely at home" at my host destination. I am someone who never feels comfortable, except around maybe two people. But I've found some good spaces here, and some good people. There are degrees of comfort and I may never be completely at home here, but I have found spaces that I enjoy. I'm posting a picture of the river again because I'm definitely a bit in love with it.)